Elmer Fudd and the Navy Seal
by Phoebe Miller
Summary: Mr. Hoppy doesn't stand a chance against a Navy Seal.


_**Warning: this is so sweet it might just make your teeth hurt...at least it did mine. :-) I blame the bunnies.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but this goofy tale is all mine... **_

"Danno." Her voice was soft with sleep. "Uncle Steve told me that someone wants to eat Mr. Hoppy."

Danny narrowed his eyes and tried to remain calm. "Who Gracie?"

"Some guy named Elmer Fudd."

"And when did Uncle Steven tell you this?"

"He was telling scary stories the other night when you ran out for pizza."

Danny didn't realize he'd been gone long enough for Steve to traumatize his daughter. "I didn't realize I was gone long enough for scary stories."

"I always ask Uncle Steve for scary stories. Ever since the camping trip. He said it's a tradition."

"Tradition? We weren't camping."

"But Uncle Steve slept over. I saw him on the couch in the morning."

Danny thought about how Sweet Uncle Steve had one too many beers and couldn't drive himself home so he'd slept it off on the couch. He decided to change the subject back to the rabbit.

"Well, Mr. Hoppy is safe, don't worry. I promise."

"No Elmer Fudd?"

"Do you even know who Elmer Fudd is?"

"Yea he's a cartoon guy who likes to hunt rabbits."

"So why are you worried he's going to eat Mr. Hoppy? He's a cartoon. Not real."

"Uncle Steve said Elmer Fudd was based on a real guy he knew from the Navy Seals."

"Oh, he did, did he?" Danny was going to have a few words for Steve next time he saw him.

What she said next caught him totally by surprise. "And Mr. Fudd would come for Mr. Hoppy if I didn't keep the cage cleaned."

This almost made Danny giggle. He had to turn away so Grace wouldn't see his reaction. He'd been after her to take better care of her rabbit.

"And if I let him escape one more time in your house, I might lose him forever because Elmer Fudd will be waiting."

Now Danny really had to call Steve. To scold, but also to thank him. It was too perfect this scary Steve story. He didn't know if he could do better himself. Everything he wanted to say to his daughter but couldn't.

"Uncle Steve is a smart guy sometimes." Danny really hoped Steve wasn't somewhere listening to this conversation. His ears had to be ringing.

"So I should keep Mr. Hoppy in his cage?" Grace grinned at her dad. Definitely in on the joke. Danny was such a sucker.

"Yes, Monkey. Please keep Mr. Hoppy in his cage when he visits. He likes to leave me little presents everywhere."

She laughed. "And then you step on them."

"That's right, and that's not very funny. Right?" He kept his voice low and steady. It was too late to get upset about silly rabbit turds. "Think about how it would feel if you stepped on those bunny presents."

"Tommy at school said they were raisins. He dared another kid to eat some."

Danny shook his head. He figured Rachel and Stan were really getting their money's worth out of that school. "I sincerely hope you told your teacher."

"No. I told both boys they were dumb."

"Oh, I see." Danny wasn't sure he wanted to get into a discussion about name calling. It could most certainly wait. "Well, it's late and time for bed. We can talk about this tomorrow morning. How about that?"

"Okay Danno." She pulled up the covers and grinned at her dad.

"Good night, Monkey." He kissed her on the forehead. "Love you."

"Love you more."

"Not possible."

/././

A loud crash woke Grace. She sat up in bed and listened. Her eyes darted across the room at Mr. Hoppy's cage on her desk. He was still there, getting a drink of water. She wondered what the noise was.

Climbing out of bed, she crept to her partly opened door. She could hear faint mumbling coming from the living room. _Danno._

Tiptoeing down the hall, Grace found her dad sitting on the floor holding his foot. "Oh no, Danno. Did Elmer Fudd come to get you?"

Composing himself, he smiled for her, covering a wince. "First off, Elmer Fudd is not real. I'll have a talk with your Uncle Steve about that. Second, no it wasn't Elmer Fudd."

He held up a doll. Grace went to grab it but he moved it out of her reach. "No, it wasn't Elmer Fudd. It was your dolphin trainer here."

"I'm sorry Danno."

He hated to think he might make her cry when it was mostly his own clumsy fault that he'd tripped. "I know, baby. You didn't mean it. Next time, please pick up your toys. Okay?"

She nodded. This time he let her have her toy.

"Now please go play in your room. I need a minute, okay?"

Danny knew he might need more than a minute, but he'd take what ever time he could get to come up with a plan. His whole foot tingled with that pins and needle feeling and his last two toes were all white hot with pain. If Grace hadn't been standing there over him, he might have not have held it together so well.

"Okay Danno. You sure you're okay? You're not mad at me?"

"No sweetie, I'm not mad at you. It's okay."

/././

"Uncle Steve?"

Steve was surprised by the voice on the phone. "Gracie. Hey, how are you?"

She was supposed to be with her dad. "Everything alright?"

"Yea everything's alright. I think my dad is mad at you."

This came out of the blue.

"Why is Danno mad at me?" He really hoped everything was alright. But he didn't want to scare Grace so he let her lead the conversation.

"Well, you told me about Elmer Fudd."

_Oh Shit._ Now he understood. "You told him?"

"I tell Danno everything, Uncle Steve."

That was a good thing. Just not for Uncle Steve.

"That's good, Grace. You should tell Danno everything."

"But now he's sitting on the floor-"

Steve had to cut her off now.

"Grace, why is Danno on the floor?"

"He tripped on my doll. Said he just needed a minute."

Grace sounded calm. Steve wasn't sure what to think.

"Is he okay?"

"I guess so."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Sure."

He listened as Grace gave the phone to her dad.

"Steven."

"Hey, Danno, are you alright?"

"Why are you telling my daughter scary stories?"

"You mean Elmer Fudd?"

"Yes, Steven."

"He's not real, Danny. And definitely not scary. Grace knows that."

"That's beside the point."

Danny was way too calm. Way too quiet.

"Hey, Danny. Are you okay? Grace said you tripped on one of her dolls."

There was a pause and Steve could clearly hear his partner take a long and unsteady breath.

"Danny?"

"Yea, I'm fine."

"You can't get up, can you?"

"Please resist the urge to joke with me now."

"Seriously. You okay?"

"No, I cannot put weight on my foot."

"Then what are you planning to do? Sit there until Rachel comes for Grace?"

"Oh, I had considered that, sure. What do _you_ think?"

"You just hadn't worked up the nerve to call me yet, right?"

More silence. This time it was Grace's voice he heard.

"Uncle Steve?" There was the slightest bit of urgency in her voice.

"Grace? Where's your dad? Is he alright?"

"He wants you to come over ASAP."

"He said that? ASAP?"

"No but that's what his face says."

"Okay, Grace. I'll be right over. You sit there with Danno and talk to him, okay?"

He was grabbing his keys as he spoke.

"Ok Uncle Steve." She paused. "And watch out for Elmer Fudd."


End file.
